Obedience is Hard

As some of you know, we recently said "yes" to a foster care call, and some of the responses we're getting to voluntarily caring for 5 children under age 6 have given me pause, and prompted a mass of thoughts that I feel the need to type out and share.  These comments have ranged from:

"Are you crazy?"

"You must be a glutton for punishment."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Sometimes it's just not the right season for these things."

to..."You're amazing!" and

"How do you do it?"

It's made me stop and ask myself "why DID we say yes to this call?"  Honestly we say "No" to the majority of calls that we get.  We prayerfully considered this, and I can't describe it any other way than to say this time God wanted us to say "Yes."

I've been studying the fruits of the Spirit with the ladies in my Connection Group over the past few months, and the resounding take home message that I've been getting from the scriptures has been the fact that God builds character through hard things.  Through suffering.  Through persecution.  Through trouble.  Through hard work.  And frankly,

I don't like hard work.  

That's the honest truth.  But God has been slowly, graciously, thankfully refining me, showing me how lazy and selfish I am, and how much I want my life to be slower, simple, convenient.  So we got the call...2 kids...about the same ages as 2 of our kids...and I thought "that sounds hard."
But...*newsflash*...the work of the gospel was hard.  It wasn't logical for Christ to leave His throne in heaven and take on human form.  To leave a perfectly comfortable, glorious life above with His Father and join our ranks down here in this sinful fallen world.  It wasn't easy for Him to take the walk to the garden of Gethsemane, knowing all of his friends were about to leave Him out to dry.  It wasn't easy for Him to carry the cross up the hill to where He would die.  He didn't want to lay down His life for a bunch of people who didn't deserve it, (in fact, He even asked God to let Him out of it!) but God asked Him to continue on, and He did.  And I'm so thankful that He DID!

So if Christ was willing to suffer and die for me, how can I not give up my "life" (and by life I mean my more comfortable, less crazy and chaotic life,) for 2, maybe 3 months???   And if Christ was willing to do that for me, how can I look these precious children in the eyes and say, "I'm sorry, Jesus made time for me, but I don't have time for you.  It's going to take too much time and energy and work for me to take care of you.  Surely someone else can do it."  Bottom line:  I can't.  Not in good conscience, at least.

Let's face it, the work of the gospel IS hard.  But it is good.  The other thing God had been teaching me repeatedly through our study was how He blesses us in, through, and following suffering.  He refines us through trials.

^"2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."   James 1:2-4

And again in verse 12:

 "¹² Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him."

I don't think it's by accident that James concludes his chapter on trials, and the benefits that come from and through them, with this piece on caring for orphans:

^"27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."    James 1:27

So in answer to the questions that folks have asked,

"Are you crazy?"

Yep.  Crazy about the gospel.  Crazy about Jesus.  Crazy enough to take Him at His word, and follow His literal words to lay down our lives for others, and to care for orphans in their distress.  

"You must be a glutton for punishment."

If by that you mean choosing a trial on purpose, knowing that the end result will be worth it, then yes, we are.  If by that you mean we love doing hard things, or we purposely choose the path of most resistance, the answer is no!  But we are trusting that God is good and will give us the grace that we need to persevere, even when things are difficult.  

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

Absolutely.  Check out what amazing things Jesus has been doing in the heart of our  5 year-old.  Totally worth all the hard work and inconvenience.  

"Sometimes it's just not the right season for these things."

And to this I say, "I agree."  Sometimes the timing isn't 'right' and God doesn't always tell us that it's time for us to say, "Yes."  But that isn't for others to judge.  Each and every one of us is called to different things by God, in different seasons of life, and it is up to each one of us to respond to the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives.  Please don't try to take on that role yourself.  

And to those who think 5 kids is just too many, this blogger took the words right out of my mouth.   My favorite lines:  "Parenthood makes me work hard.  Without kids, I’m sure I’d watch more TV, drink more wine, and become a more selfish individual.  With kids, I’m forced to think of others and avoid self-absorption."  Amen and Amen.  This is also a lesson we are (hopefully!) teaching our children, by our example and by providing them the opportunity to share their spaces, their toys, and their parents.  We pray that they will learn to put others first and avoid the self-centered, "me-first" mentality that is so pervasive in our American culture.

In conclusion, I'd be lying if I said that what we're doing right now is glamorous, super-spiritual work.  It's not.  I spend the majority of my days cleaning up spilled applesauce off the table, (and chairs, and floor,) wiping sticky hands and faces, changing multiple poopy diapers and occasionally getting peed on myself, gathering up dozens of stray socks and mismatched pajama sets from floors and drawers and toy boxes and attempting to return them to the correct owners.  One of the kids screams for an hour every time I put him in his highchair.  Another one lies to my face multiple times a day.  My own kids are adjusting to less one on one time and attention from me throughout the day, which often leads to tears and temper-tantrums.  Two of my kids have bite marks from a toddler that's had a hard time adjusting to a new home and a new mama and a new dada.  By 8:00 every night Tim and I are both EXHAUSTED.  Putting 5 kids under age 6 to bed is a major undertaking!  I'd be lying if I didn't tell you that after just 10 days into this I looked at my husband and said "I'm done!  We're crazy!  I don't want to do this anymore!"

But then I play back the other moments of my day...the softer moments that sneak in between the hard stuff.  Answering innocent questions such as "What's the Bible?  Who was Jesus?  Can I have my own Bible to read?  Can we read another Bible story today?"  Friends, there are children out there who have NEVER HEARD THESE THINGS.

I get to look into 5 little sets of gorgeous young eyes and say "You are so special.  You are so beautiful.  God made you and He cares about you, and He's going to do amazing things with your life.  And I love you.  I'm so thankful to have you as part of my family right now."

I get two little brown arms clinging to my neck for a half an hour every morning before the rest of the kids wake up.  I get a little fuzzy braided head snuggled up into my shoulder at bedtime each night, allowing me to rock and sing to him.  I'm not sure he's ever heard "Jesus Loves Me" before.  Our days and nights are filled with even more hugging and kissing and holding and rocking than they were 2 weeks ago.

Today in church we sang the lyrics "so it's with everything I am, I reach out for your hand, the hope for change, the second chance I've gained..."  And I remembered a little brown hand that reaches for me from his highchair, wanting me to hold his hand while he eats.  Or the hands that reach up for mine at the park.  (Or dive for me without any warning from the top of the play structure, trusting that I'll catch him!) And I realized that we truly ARE the hands and feet of Christ to these little ones right now.  We are giving them the hope for change.  A second chance.  A glimpse of Jesus-centered family life.  And with tears in my eyes I didn't think "Why me?  Why did you ask me to do this hard thing?"  Instead it was "thank You, Jesus.  Thank You for using us.  Thank You for letting us be a part of this story that You are writing in their lives."

So if you hear of someone you know and love entering into foster care, or adoption, or some other "hard work" of the gospel, my plea to you is not to second guess them, or tell them they're crazy, or try to talk them out of it.  Love them.  Support them.  Encourage them.  Rally around to help them out, because in doing so, you too are participating in kingdom work.  We can't do this alone!  I am indebted to our friends and family who have already, in the last 10 days, been of tremendous support and encouragement.  Multiple times last week I had friends call or text on their way to the store to ask if I needed anything.  My parents picked up our eldest for a sleepover this weekend.  Another friend dropped off loads of pureed vegetables after I mentioned to her what a picky eater I have on my hands and how I wished I had the time to sneak some veggies into his food.  And a perfect stranger at church walked up to us and handed us a brand new Jesus Storybook Bible for our girl who's been asking for a Bible of her own.  She overheard us talking about it in the lobby and purchased one for her on the spot.   (Yes!  Tears were shed!) In addition, our church family has thus far provided a twin bed, a twin mattress, a toddler bed and mattress, and 2 carseats for these kiddos!  Without these tangible items we wouldn't be able to do this work!  And I have felt covered in prayers.  I know there must be numerous people praying for us, because this transition really has gone amazingly well.

And to those who say, "You're amazing!"  my answer is:  "nope.  I'm not.  But God is!"

and "How do you do it?"  I can honestly say "only by the grace of God."

^"9 But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me. ¹⁰ So I take pleasure in weaknesses, insults, catastrophes, persecutions, and in pressures, because of Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Step out in faith this week.  Do something hard for the sake of the gospel.  Advance the kingdom of God.  He is faithful.  He will bless you through it.  And He will grant you the grace and the strength to move mountains.

“For I assure you: If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will tell this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."   Matthew 17:20b

Friday Quick 5

1.  It has been a crazy week.  But I'm going to attempt to focus on the positives rather than complaining.  I have much to be thankful for!  Tim was out of town for 4 days and 4 long nights, and all 3 kids got sick while he was away.  I am THANKFUL that Tim is now home, helped me man the night shift last night, and I am THANKFUL we have access to modern day medicine.  Our doctor's clinic is just 10 minutes away!  How many people around the world would do anything for that kind of access!  And when Justus' oxygen saturation was down to 88% while breathing at rest, we simply picked up a nebulizer and some medication and headed on home to start treatment.  What a blessing!

2.  The girls have watched so many movies this week that they're starting to get bored with them and asking to do things like paint with watercolors.  Usually it's the other way around...I'll take it!

3.  Even though Mr. J has been super sick this week and barely sleeping a wink, I can't believe how many gross motor milestones he's been meeting.  About 2 weeks ago he started slowly and awkwardly army crawling.  On Tuesday alone this week he started moving from all fours up to sitting, and back down again, advancing his arms while on all fours, pulling up to kneeling, and trying his hardest to pull up to standing at the couch.  When I gave him a little boost he stood there and played with an ear to ear grin for close to 10 minutes.  I caught him chewing on my laptop cord on one end of the living room and 5 minutes later on the other side of the room emptying out the bottom bookshelf.  Let the games begin.  He is SO happy to move!  I am THANKFUL he is making such strides even when he's sick, and I might even be a *teensy-weentsy* bit thankful that this cold is slowing him down.  If he weren't sick he probably would have started walking this week!!  :)  Ha.  JUST KIDDING! I want my babe to be healthy again.  No matter how busy he keeps me!

4.  Just when I was feeling stretched and crazy and like I couldn't possibly do it all this afternoon, (Justus woke up crying just 30 minutes into his afternoon nap, and I hadn't put either of the girls to bed yet,) everything just miraculously fell into place.  Norah asked to go to bed instead of finish her lunch, and promptly fell asleep.  Audrey read herself a book and practically put herself to bed as well!  SO not like them.  They are indeed not feeling well.  And God had a hand in it, I'm sure, as well.  This mama needed a break.

5.  Foster parenting is hard.  Period.  I have so much to say and so much to write about but I fear that I can't figure out how to put it into words, nor do I think I can fully do it justice while maintaining the confidentiality that we must as foster parents.  Suffice it to say, we are learning so much about discipline, grace, unconditional and tough love all rolled up into one.  And it's hard to let go of the fact that we simply cannot cram a lifetime's worth of lessons and training into just 3 short months.  For her or for us!  We are learning and growing so much through this experience; I hope and pray that it refines us and keeps us humble and makes us better parents for Audrey, Norah, and Justus as well.  I can honestly say that every night I collapse into bed and wonder how we're doing all that we're doing right now, and yet each day God is faithful to provide the strength, wisdom, grace, and humor that we need to see the day through.  We make mistakes and He picks up the pieces and brings restoration and healing.  More than anything I am THANKFUL to have the privilege of being a part of this young lady's life.  Say a prayer for M, would you?  She's walking a hard road.

And that's all I have for you this Friday.

To God be the glory.

Smattering of Sunday Thoughts

Well hello, faithful blog readers.  Has it really been over a month since we last met here?  I've missed the outlet of writing out thoughts from daily life here, but "free time" has become somewhat of a joke in my life lately. ;)  In desperation last week I cried out to my husband, asking for a few hours a week outside of the house, alone, to simply sit and have a complete thought.  Today is my second Sunday of such "dates" with myself, and I hope and pray it will become a weekly Sabbath tradition, this sitting, reading, praying, journaling, blogging, etc., from the local Chocolate shop.  Yes, you read that right.  I've given up the coffee shop scene...I don't drink coffee, and can't currently have any of the frilly treats that all contain dairy products.  But dark chocolate?  Made without any milk?  Yes, PLEASE!  I can't even begin to describe to you the joy and relief I found when I made this little discovery.   So though I make no promises of this post being clear, concise, or organized, because my mind is all in a jumble these days, here's a rundown on our life as of late:

Since adding a teenager to our family, it's been interesting for me to see where my extra time has come from.  Because I certainly didn't think I had any extra time to give, but it has to come from somewhere, right?  Turns out, I spend way less time on Facebook, I gave up reading 75% of the other blogs I was subscribed to, I watch less TV in the evening, and I go to bed way later than I want to or should.  That has probably been the (physically) hardest thing about having a teenager in the house.  Around 9:00 p.m., just about the time I am ready to shut down and close up shop for the day, she magically comes alive and starts to talk.  And I mean really talk, about important stuff that she needs us to hear.  I heard somewhere that teenagers are like oysters, they open up briefly and for short intervals, so you need to jump at every opportunity to drop what you're doing and listen!  So we do.  And God has been faithful to give me the grace I need to make it through the next day even if (when!) the baby has me up multiple times a night following a late night, and prior to an early morning wake-up call.  I was SO thankful for Daylight Savings' time hitting when it did this year...it has been bliss, BLISS I tell you, having at least 2 of our 3 kiddos sleep past 7!  Sometimes 8!  The first morning after the time change I hardly knew what do do with myself when 7:00 came and went and no one was awake needing my attention.  I actually got my house dusted before they got up, for the first time in...well...I'm not going to tell you, because that would be too embarrassing, but it had been quite awhile!  I could get so much done if this tradition continues!  To be honest most mornings I haven't been all that productive...but I have been trying to catch up on all the extra zzzzzzs I can squeeze in.

Let's see, an update on the kiddos anyone?  Grandparents?  Great-grandparents?  Are you going through withdrawal from lack of pictures?

Shortly after Valentine's Day, my dad and Tim took the girls on a special date at my dad's church.  Aren't they adorable?

Audrey has really stepped up her game these last few weeks, and is truly taking on the role of big sister.  She's becoming genuinely helpful, and decided Justus needed to learn the ins and outs of some modern technology one afternoon:

Norah, AKA "Bruiser," and her broken nose.  Norah: 0, Dining Room Chair: 1

She's also been working hard on learning how to write her letters!  

She knows how to spell her name, and can legibly write a few of those out, can you spot them?

She's little Miss Attitude, most days.  Super feisty.

But as quick as she turns it off, she can turn it back on again.  Super sweet.  This girl cracks us up and keeps us on our toes.

Justus turned 7 months old today.  SEVEN MONTHS OLD, PEOPLE!!!!!  Wasn't he just born, like, a month ago or something?  I can't believe how fast his first year is flying by.  Here are some photos I took at his 6 month milestone:

I cannot get enough of these cheeks.  I kiss them all day long. Repeatedly.

And this lip....this pouty lip!  It's going to be nearly impossible for me to deny this little pouty lip.

Mr. J-Man has started a few solid foods.  And by started I don't mean he eats them, he mostly just plays with his food, rolls it around in his mouth, and spits it out.  But he sure has fun!

Some notable quotables from the last few months:

Every time I sit down to read the girls a book before naptime, Audrey says "Mommy will you put your arm around me?" Then I do, and she sighs, "there, that's much more comfortable."  I usually try to do it to Norah too, but she removes my arm from around her shoulder and states matter-of-factly, "Mommy, I am NOT your snuggle bug."  They have different love languages, my daughters do.  It's so fun to figure them out!  Just this afternoon I was carrying Norah home from a family walk early because she suddenly had to go potty.  She was stroking my hair, telling me all about how she was taking the tangles out of it for me, then holding it out of my face so the wind wouldn't blow it.  The wind stopped blowing momentarily, and she told me "I was talking to Jesus about that.  I asked him to stop the wind blowing."  I told her she was sweet and kissed her on the cheek.  She responded with, "Mommy, I need to tell you someting.  I don't like kisses anymore."  :(  Guess what?  She's gonna keep on getting them!!  Silly girl.

Shortly after I started Justus on some solid foods, I asked Tim one night at dinner if he would sit next to Justus' highchair so he could feed him.  Norah's made the funniest face, then practically shouted, "but DADDY can't feed Justus, Daddy doesn't have BREAST-ES!"  We all cracked up so hard at that one.

One day at naptime as I was leaving Audrey's room I saw her finger begin to enter the forbidden zone of the nostril, so I gently told her to stop picking her nose.  She remarked, "But Mommy, it's like there's a loose tooth in my nose!"  Funny, I totally understood the feeling she was talking about!  (I handed her a Kleenex to get it out.) :)

Speaking of naptime, one afternoon Audrey came out of her room and told me "It's really hard to sleep when I keep swallowing saliva."

I've been experimenting with a variety of breakfast bars from Pinterest lately.  Some have been big hits with the kiddos, some not so much.  My most recent experiment was a rip roaring success; Audrey took one bite and remarked, "Mmmmm, Mama, I think you got the recipe right."

Another day she was really satisfied by my cooking.  So much so that I got a "Mommy, you made my wish come true by making this the cheesiest!  So you're kind of the hero of the day!"

One of my favorite phrases that Norah uses these days is "make sure-ing."  Oftentimes I ask her what she's doing, and she responds with "I'm just make-sureing this isn't breaking," or some such thing.  So sweet!

Lastly, I'll leave you with an answer key that I've been mentally compiling to help me decipher the text messages of our resident teen.  At the risk of sounding like an old lady, I must say that the abbreviations get seriously ridiculous.  Whatever time she saves by typing in this abbreviated faux-language, I surely spend while trying to interpret it.  For example:

"sumtn" - something
"afta" - after
"ig" - it's good
"whteva" - whatever
"N" - and
"b" - be
"wit" - with
"Idk" - I don't know
"guna" - going
"Ikr" - I know, right?
"u" - you
"tht" - that
"tho" - though
"jus" - just
"dis" - this
"Ik" - I know

Got it?  If you get a funny text from me, you'll know why.  I'm learning the language of teens, people.

All in all, life right now is full, busy, crazy, stressful, fun, exhausting, good.  Really good.  What we're doing right now is hard, but we've found that while doing kingdom work is hard, it is right where we want to be!  We cannot be refined unless we walk through the fire.  It forces us to press into God for wisdom and strength and sustenance.  So that's where we want to be!  We covet your prayers.

And thanks to you faithful ones who continue to check this blog and read it when I get around to posting!  And you get 5 bonus points if you made it all the way to the end of this long one.

That's all I've got for now.  See you again in a few...weeks, months, somethings!

5 on Friday

It has been an eventful week for our family, to say the least.

1.  Last week I returned home from an incredibly restful, fun, encouraging 4-day weekend with 2 friends and Justus at Sally Clarkson's MomHeart conference in Colorado.  I came home refreshed, rebuked, challenged, and with renewed vision for what I needed and wanted to be as a mother.  To my blog-reading friends in Texas and California, she has 2 more conferences coming right up in February that you should definitely check out if you can!  Even if you just had a baby! ;)  You would love it and it was amazing.

2.  It was no small coincidence that less than a week after coming home we got a foster care call for a teen mom.  The exact words they used were, "she just needs to learn how to be a good mom."  Um....hello...that's what I'm trying to learn myself every day!  Bring her on over!  We are definitely still in the 'honeymoon' stage of taking on a new placement, but so far things are going really really well.  She fits into our family more naturally than any other placement we've had so far, and I get a sense that all of our previous placements have really just served to prepare us for this one, each in their own specific way.  She's already opened up to us so much, and thanked us repeatedly for what we are doing for her.  We are praying praying praying that this kind of relationship continues!

3.  Life has been crazy and chaotic since the day I said yes to taking her in.  And she didn't even come to our house until 3 days later.  But every time we do foster care we definitely notice an increase in Satan's attacks on our family.  Which tells us we are doing exactly what we need to be doing.  We've had to be vigilant about our communication in our marriage.  Norah broke her nose on Sunday.  Justus has been waking up every 2-3 hours at night again, for a myriad of reasons.  (Anyone with heavy wetters have any suggestions for me on how to keep him, his jammies, his swaddling blanket, and his pack and play dry at night!?!?!  I've got him in size 4 Huggies overnights, and he still leaks all over EVERYTHING.)  On Tuesday Tim's sister and our brother-in-law and their 5 kids were moving to a new house less than an hour from here, and in a freak accident their moving van caught on fire and they lost nearly every earthly possession that they owned; we are so thankful that no one was hurt.  And on Thursday Tim's dad went in for his 20th heart procedure.  So prayers for our family are coveted, appreciated, and needed.  Only by the grace of God are we handling everything with joy and perseverance right now.  I love that it drives me to my knees.  I've been needing and wanting to do more of that anyway!

4.  Tim turned 32 on Wednesday!  Happy birthday, babe!  The girls and I and Justus decorated his office in the power plant with balloons and a homemade banner while he was at a meeting.  Then he rode the bus home with his balloon bouquet, and couldn't figure out how on earth I arranged to have 3 random strangers wish him happy birthday on the ride home. : )

5.  I'll leave you with a link that has inspired and encouraged me, and left me with a mantra for life in general, but especially my life in regards to making the sacrifices required for doing foster care.  Oh, who needs a link...I'm going to cut and paste it here to make sure you read it, because it is THAT GOOD.  This is why we say 'yes.'  And saying 'yes' to foster care seems like so much less of a sacrifice than what this woman and her family are doing...they are adopting!  Forever!  If they can do that, I can surely say 'yes' to a 5-month-placement.  It's only 5 months!!  Anyway.

"People ask, “how do you do it?”

I’m not ever really sure what they are meaning.

How do we meet everyone’s needs?

How do we still have joy?

How do i remain sane?

I’m not sure.

And I don’t ask.

But as I have thought about it the last few days

and prayed

I realize how we “do it”

and how I hope and pray we continue to “do it”

I think it’s having this mind set:

not, what if we ruin our family

but, THIS IS NOT MY FAMILY TO RUIN

not, what if it’s “too much” and I can’t handle it, what if I’m exhausted and miserable?

but, THIS IS NOT MY LIFE TO HOLD ON TO.

It’s been having the mindset that

THIS IS NOT OUR LIFE TO LIVE.

My life is not something to hold on to

I exist because of Christ, for God and His glory.

I truly feel that to live is to CLING TO CHRIST

and I truly believe that to DIE IS GAIN

I truly believe that this life is so temporary.

I truly believe that God does not involve my family and me in this grand global adoption mission, bringing all nations to Himself through it, because He needs us.

It’s because HE LOVES US!

When my eyes are down I magnify the hardness.  I get knit-picky with my kids, I get worried about if my new girls will ever catch up.  I worry.  I get anxious.  I get scared.  I get this phrase that runs through my head, ” I JUST WANT TO DO LIFE EASY!!!”

It’s a dangerous place for me to stand.

So, I don’t.

Instead I bend low, lower still!

we memorize Philippians 2

and

I tell myself, my friends, my children everyday:

(are you sick of hearing it?)

“THIS IS NOT OUR HOME!  WE ARE NOT HOME YET!”

I cannot want on this earth, in this life

what is only reserved for heaven,

Perfection!

And there you have it.  My life is not my own!  So thankful God is allowing us to be a part of His amazing plan.  It is a joy and a humbling privilege. 

Happy Friday, friends.

Friday 5

1.  Isn't it funny how God immediately gives us opportunities to put lessons that we learn into practice?  Approximately 3 hours after my post on Perspective, we got a call asking if we would take a foster placement.  We had no good reasons to say no.  So we are currently adapting to life with a teenager again.  Hormones, anyone? :)

2.  Since I posted something about my 3-week meal plan, I've had quite a few requests for recipes.  One thing I've been making a LOT this fall is Sausage and Apple Stuffed Acorn Squash.  I pulled it off the blog of a friend last year.  Here is the unedited, original recipe:

Sausage & Apple Stuffed Acorn Squash

This recipe serves 4.

2 large acorn squash (about 1 1/2 lbs. each)

Salt and pepper to taste

1 lb. ground turkey sausage

1 medium Granny Smith apple, peeled and coarsely chopped

1/2 C. Bisquick

1/4 C. packed brown sugar

1/4 tsp. ground cinnamon

2 T. butter

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Cut squash into halves, remove seeds and fibers (a grapefruit spoon works great for this). Place cut sides down on jelly roll pan or cookie sheet sprayed lightly with cooking spray.

Bake, uncovered, for 40 minutes.

Cook sausage in a skillet until brown. Drain. Stir in chopped apple.

After squash has baked for 40 minutes, remove from oven and turn squash cut side up on the pan. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Fill with sausage/apple mixture.

Mix Bisquick, brown sugar and cinnamon. Cut in butter until mixture is crumbly. Sprinkle over apples and sausage. Bake uncovered until squash is tender and topping is brown, about 30 minutes.

Super simple, easy and quick to make!  I have adapted it to suit our gluten and dairy free needs by simply sprinkling brown sugar in the squash before I add the sausage and apples, and then skipping the crumb topping.  Sometimes I mix up one for Norah with gluten-free Bisquick.  And I recently learned about a non-dairy butter substitute that I might just have to find at the store...then I could enjoy it too!  I've found that it cooks best with smaller squash, and then they make the perfect personal serving size.

3.  Justus still sleeps in the swing.  Only in the swing.  As in, every nap and all night long in the swing.  Someday (soon?) we're going to try and transition to the crib.  I do not anticipate it going well.  Did I mention he's the reigning king of 45 minute naps?  The. King.  Even in the swing.  *sigh*  Living by the motto "do whatever it takes" right now.

4.  Norah potty trained like a champ.  She was totally ready.  And is having a blast picking out undies every morning.

5.  It's late and I need to feed the babe one last time before I hit the hay myself.  Feeling rather uninspired and slightly brain-fried right now.  I guess that's where life with toddlers and teenagers leaves me!  Here's to spanning a wide wide gap in parenting years.  Only by the grace of God...

Good night!

On Foster Parenting and Adoption

Two weeks ago Tim and I were given the opportunity to speak on a panel about foster care and adoption at our church's family ministry meeting for parents.  I thought I would post a rough script of what we said for any of you who might be interested.  If you'd rather listen to the talk, visit our church website, scroll down, and click on the talk entitled Adoption and Foster Care 11/17. 

We were asked to share why we decided to become foster parents, why we are considering adoption, what some of our initial fears were, what has sacrificial love looked like in our situation, how has God come through for us.

Why did you decide to do foster care?

Early on in our dating relationship, we went to a conference down in Texas with The Salt Company, called Destinations. The emphasis of the conference was missions, specifically on following through on the call God gave to Abraham in Genesis 12:2-3. (God blessed Abraham so that he could bless other people through him.) Since then we have felt strongly that we have been blessed…so we should be a blessing to others, and have prayed for years together about what that would/should look like.

When we read passages like Luke 12:48, “From everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and to whom they entrusted much, of him they will ask all the more,” we see ourselves in the category of those who have been given much, and we know that because of this, God expects us to use our resources for His glory and His kingdom, rather than simply our own comfort and pleasure.

About 3 years ago we moved here, and bought a 4 bedroom house even though we were a family of only 3 at the time. Tim really wanted to fill up the extra basement bedroom, with a college student renter or something. I (selfishly!) really just wanted an empty guestroom!! One Sunday at Cornerstone there was a flyer in the bulletin about a foster care meeting…and the Holy Spirit did a number on my heart. I mentioned the idea (very hesitantly) to Tim, and he took the idea and ran with it. A few weeks later we were signed up for training.

Why are we considering adoption?

Two years ago I (Tim) came across an organization through a Facebook friend that had an incredible mission statement and general philosophy regarding what a Christian response should be to abortion.  “The Zoe Foundation exists to further the cause of adoption as a positive alternative to abortion in America.”
Randy Bohlender, board member of The Zoe Foundation and missionary with The International House of Prayer, explains it like this:
"…in order to truly be "pro-life," we should be willing to step up and provide a mother considering abortion with another option for her child. Mothers who are considering abortion will be much more likely to listen to the gospel message from us, as believers, if they see us willing to put our actions where our mouths are, and not just tell them to give their babies life, but offer to raise those babies for them."

We love that this group doesn't just place children in homes, but seeks to place them in believers' homes. They don’t just take care of the physical needs of orphans, they also share the gospel with them and their mothers, and help take care of the needs of these mothers who choose life.  They work alongside churches…who should be leading this charge rather than the state!

All along, the primary driving conviction that has been leading us to prayerfully consider adoption is the simple fact that in order to truly be "pro-life," we should be willing to step up and provide a mother considering abortion with another option for her child. If abortion truly were eradicated, 3700 babies would need a home EACH DAY in the U.S. Are we willing to say, “please don’t abort your baby, we will take care of him or her?” Which is why these words from Russell Moore’s Adopted for Life have really resonated with us:

"Mothers who are considering abortion will be much more likely to listen to the gospel message from us, as believers, if they see us willing to put our actions where our mouths are, and not just tell them to give their babies life, but offer to raise those babies for them."

"Not every believer will stand praying outside an abortion clinic. Not every believer will take a pregnant teenager into his or her guest bedroom. Not every believer is called to adopt children. But every believer is called to recognize Jesus in the face of his little brothers and sisters when he decides to show up in their lives, even if it interrupts everything else." (p 81)

"What if a mighty battalion of Christian parents would open their hearts and their homes to unwanted infants--infants some so-called "clinics" would like to see carried out with the medical waste? It might mean that next Christmas there'll be one more stocking at the chimney at your house--a new son or daughter who escaped the abortionist's knife or the orphanage's grip to find at your knee the grace of a carpenter's Son." (p83-4)

What were some of your fears going into it?

Our main fear going into foster parenting was the effect it would have on our biological children: that a foster child would injure or abuse them, or influence them in negative ways, by modeling bad behavior, bad language, or by taking away our attention and causing them to act out.

We prayed a lot about this, and talked a lot about this, and primarily it came down to us taking a step out in faith and trusting that God has an even greater vested interest in protecting our children than we do. And knowing that it is SO GOOD for our kids to grow up witnessing us sharing our faith, and living our faith, by caring for these kids, every day of their lives. It became as much of us doing foster care for the benefit of our own kids, rather than in spite of what it might ‘do to’ our kids.

In addition, we try to make wise decisions about what kinds of kids we take in. We’ve said ‘no’ to probably 25 out of 30 calls from IowaKidsNet over the last year, asking us to take children into our home, either because the timing wasn’t right or we weren’t equipped to handle their specific behaviors, or because they didn’t match our preferences. We choose to only take girls, since we have young girls. We feel it wouldn’t be safe to expose our girls to older boys who may try acting out physically or sexually towards them.  We also don't take kids who are physically aggressive, or fire-starters, to name just a few of the things on our list!

Our other fear was that we would take a child in who would act out or not do what we asked, and we would have no idea how to handle it.  And honestly, this happens all the time!  But God continues to give us the grace we need for each and every situation. We are in totally over our heads right now, but we have friends and family rallying around us, helping out where they can, and it has driven us to our knees in prayer. It’s exactly where we are supposed to be. Time and time again, when we are overwhelmed, things just “work out.” God clearly has a hand in that.

What has the idea of sacrificial love looked like within your situation....i.e. what sacrifices has your family had to make to do this? (And how God has come through for you?)

Foster parenting is definitely inconvenient. We have less free time. We are expending more emotional and mental energy than we normally would have to, trying to meet the needs of the teenage girl living with us. Our personal space is invaded. Our kids have had less sleep, and thus, so have we. We have been stolen from, lied to, cussed at, disrespected, insulted, and our personal property has been damaged. Logistically it’s one more mouth to feed. (It’s more work for cooking, but the food is paid for since state foster/adoption situations are subsidized. If you are at all considering adoption but really really can’t afford it, this is a great place to start!)

Most notably, we’ve brought spiritual warfare into our home. As soon as our current placement moved in, (who is most definitely not a believer in Christ,) our 3-year-old daughter’s night terrors ramped up like never before. It has driven us to our knees in prayer. Every night now, after they are asleep I sneak into Audrey's bedroom and pray over her, out loud, in the name of Jesus, and over our house, and for Norah, and for our foster daughter, not because I just want to, or feel like I should, but I have finally realized that I NEED to. And Audrey’s night terrors have stopped. It has been such a great, physical, in-your-face reminder every day that we are in a battle, on the front lines, in fact; and it is not against flesh and blood.  And the souls of children are at stake.

Daily this experience is helping to refine us. We are learning about God’s unconditional love for us as we attempt to show these kids (who have never experienced even normal human parental love or stability), not only healthy love and normal family dynamics, but the unconditional love of Christ.

This current experience has really driven home some of the messages from the 1 John series that our church is currently studying. For me (Christy) it has been convicting to be face to face with the reality of loving someone who doesn't necessarily love me back, every day. And to daily ask God for, and rely on Him to provide, grace to me so that I can offer grace to her. And I have finally started to realize what God sees in me, a sinner, and yet He loves me anyway.

For me (Tim) it has been a lesson in learning a little bit about what it meant for God to sacrifice His own Son for someone that was not in His family, and who sinned against Him every day. It is also a chance to live the heart of Jesus out in front of these kids, many of whom have been burned by hypocritical Christians for their whole lives. We have the chance to fulfill Jesus' commandment in Matthew 25:31-46, to feed, clothe, and invite ‘the least of these’ into our homes, every day. And we are finding out that our lives are impacted as much as theirs are.   Foster parenting truly has taught me the Gospel anew. These children, when they first come into our homes, don’t love us, don’t know us, and don’t really want to be there. We are making (small) sacrifices in our lives to try and love them. And it is hard. It is easy to love my wife and kids (most of the time), but to love a stranger, who doesn’t want anything to do with me, is a whole new story… and yet that is exactly what God did for us.

"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 7 Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Rom. 5:6-8

Conclusion:

If you think about it, we as Christians should be ashamed that the state foster care system even exists. We (the Church) are the ones called to care for the orphans and widows. (James 1:27) In neglecting this command, we have left this work to a secular world. (And as a sidenote, isn't it interesting that this passage about caring for orphans comes immediately on the heels of James' admonition to be doers of the word, not merely hearers who delude themselves?)

There are on average 3,400 kids per month in foster care in the state of Iowa, and 600 kids waiting to be adopted. According to Google, there are 3528 churches (of all denominations) in Iowa. You do the math. There are a lot of foster parents out there who are great people, but they are not believers. Think of the impact we could have on the kingdom of God if Christians stepped up to this task!

Up next...The Rest of (Our) Story...stay tuned.

Book Review: Grace Based Parenting

I recently reviewed a few books that I just finished reading, but had to cut it short because I was (surprise surprise) becoming long-winded.  I'm finally getting around to summing up Grace Based Parenting, by Dr. Tim Kimmel.  I apologize off the bat that this is LONG.  If you're in a hurry, just read the bolded quotes. ;)

First let me say, I loved this book.  It wasn't a quick easy read, and he got a little wordy at times, but the content was great and full of scripturally-based truth.  And his repetition was helpful in getting me to remember his principles, so I guess that was a good thing overall!

I'm a fan of parenting books that are well-balanced on subjects that pertain to preferences in parenting, as opposed to actual Biblical principles.  Tim Kimmel agrees with me.  ;)  "Strident voices tell parents that if they don't feed their children certain ways, or discipline them certain ways, or educate them certain ways, then they are setting their children up for certain doom...it's one thing to offer those additional suggestions in these areas, but it's another thing to turn these suggestions into the only way to effectively parent children."  (pg 8)  Like John Rosemond, this author also encourages parents to get back to The Bible as our primary parenting manual.

I love the points he makes initially about raising godly children in the midst of, rather than in spite of, the fallen world around us.  He also cautions parents from retreating into a Christian bubble, for fear that their kids will be sucked into 'the world' and all it has to offer.  "The real test of a parenting model is how well equipped the children are to move into adulthood as vital members of the human race.  Notice I didn't say "as vital members of the Christian community."  We need to have kids that can be sent off to the most hostile universities, toil in hedonistic communities and yet not be the least bit intimidated by their surroundings.  Furthermore, they need to be engaged in the lives of people in their culture, gracefully representing Christ's love inside these desperate surroundings."  (He references Phil 2:14-16 to support this point.)  "Stepping back and looking at the product of the last generation and the direction this present generation is taking, I wonder if we've been aiming at this goal.  With all the help we've been given, especially as Christians, are we effective at producing the kinds of kids who are anxious to be used of God to reform the world around them?  Are we, as an entire group, known for sending out children from our homes who are not easily snookered by the corrupted world around them?"  (p 9-10)

He also talks about the problems that have arisen as Christians have separated themselves more and more from mainstream culture.  We have Christian bookstores, concerts, cruises, radio stations, school systems, etc. etc. etc.  "What's ironic is that the 'secularization' of the non-Christian community has risen proportionately with our withdrawal from it...but it isn't supposed to be this way.  God left our families in communities to serve as porch lights...for lost people around us...When families are committed to being this light, they are inclined to live more intimately with Christ.  They pray more, they study their Bibles more, they care for one another more, they reach out to their neighbors more.  Somewhere in all the talk about raising kids, we moved away from this as a priority in our parenting."

By far my biggest take-home message can be summed up in this quote:
"Grace-based parents spend their time entrusting themselves to Christ.  They live to know God more.  Their children are daily recipients of the grace these parents are enjoying from the Lord.  If you watch them in action, they appear to be peaceful and very much in love with God.  They are especially graceful when their children are hardest to love."  (p 19) 
Wow.  I need to cut that quote out and paste it in every room of my house.  My children are should be the daily recipients of GRACE from me.  Which means I need to be spending time with God regularly to receive that Grace myself.  (Otherwise I have none to give!)  SO convicting.  And I am definitely not excelling in "especially graceful" when my kids are hardest to love.  My goodness.

Contrary to what one might believe from the title of this book, Dr. Kimmel doesn't exclude obedience, boundaries or discipline from the equation.  He agrees that all are important to effective parenting, and even goes so far as to suggest that (gasp!) God will let us tailor our style to best suit our child, personal history, and the context of the situation.  In other words, (and in contrast to MANY other Christian parenting books out there,) there isn't one right way to discipline.  I love it when people acknowledge that, and I need to hear it myself...often!

So that covers the intro.  Ha.  The rest of the books leaves the theoretical and delves into the how-to.  The author states that children have 3 driving inner needs, for security, significance, and strength.  And the way we, as parents, meet these needs is by giving them the gifts of love, purpose and hope.  Our job, as parents, is to instill in our children "a love that is secure, a purpose that is significant, and a hope that is strong."  (p 25)  (As a side note, this part was revolutionary for me as I thought about S, who is still living with us.  At 18 years old, she has never had any parental-type figure instill any of these 3 gifts into her.  It is no wonder that she is struggling with so many major issues right now.  Can you imagine living life without ever having been secure in someone's love?  Without purpose, or hope?  Understanding her lack of foundation has given me much more understanding and compassion, and helped refine my purpose in how to interact with her.  We are dealing with complex issues on the surface, but her actual needs are very basic!)

A few other take-home nuggets:
"Grace is not so much about what we do as parents, but how we do what we do.  Grace is the best advertisement for a personal relationship with God."  (p 25)

He's also big on setting the example for your kids that you want them to follow, rather than just telling them what to do all the time.  "Our good advice carries clout only when it is consistent with our example."  (p 77)

Have a home where children have the freedom to make mistakes.

He suggests having a regular "What's Your Beef?" night...allowing children to point out sin of the parents, ways they've been frustrated, or hurt.  Parents are not allowed to defend themselves, they simply ask for forgiveness. 

"You've been signaled out to do a favor for God.  He is asking you to be his representative to a small but vital part of the next generation.  He needs someone to be His voice, His arms, and His heart.  He chose you.  You wonder, How am I to raise up children to love and serve God?  The answer is actually not that difficult.  You simply need to treat your children the way God treats you.  He does it in His grace.  And here's the good part.  If the only thing you get right as parents is His grace, everything else will be just fine."  (p 228)