Obedience is Hard

As some of you know, we recently said "yes" to a foster care call, and some of the responses we're getting to voluntarily caring for 5 children under age 6 have given me pause, and prompted a mass of thoughts that I feel the need to type out and share.  These comments have ranged from:

"Are you crazy?"

"You must be a glutton for punishment."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Sometimes it's just not the right season for these things."

to..."You're amazing!" and

"How do you do it?"

It's made me stop and ask myself "why DID we say yes to this call?"  Honestly we say "No" to the majority of calls that we get.  We prayerfully considered this, and I can't describe it any other way than to say this time God wanted us to say "Yes."

I've been studying the fruits of the Spirit with the ladies in my Connection Group over the past few months, and the resounding take home message that I've been getting from the scriptures has been the fact that God builds character through hard things.  Through suffering.  Through persecution.  Through trouble.  Through hard work.  And frankly,

I don't like hard work.  

That's the honest truth.  But God has been slowly, graciously, thankfully refining me, showing me how lazy and selfish I am, and how much I want my life to be slower, simple, convenient.  So we got the call...2 kids...about the same ages as 2 of our kids...and I thought "that sounds hard."
But...*newsflash*...the work of the gospel was hard.  It wasn't logical for Christ to leave His throne in heaven and take on human form.  To leave a perfectly comfortable, glorious life above with His Father and join our ranks down here in this sinful fallen world.  It wasn't easy for Him to take the walk to the garden of Gethsemane, knowing all of his friends were about to leave Him out to dry.  It wasn't easy for Him to carry the cross up the hill to where He would die.  He didn't want to lay down His life for a bunch of people who didn't deserve it, (in fact, He even asked God to let Him out of it!) but God asked Him to continue on, and He did.  And I'm so thankful that He DID!

So if Christ was willing to suffer and die for me, how can I not give up my "life" (and by life I mean my more comfortable, less crazy and chaotic life,) for 2, maybe 3 months???   And if Christ was willing to do that for me, how can I look these precious children in the eyes and say, "I'm sorry, Jesus made time for me, but I don't have time for you.  It's going to take too much time and energy and work for me to take care of you.  Surely someone else can do it."  Bottom line:  I can't.  Not in good conscience, at least.

Let's face it, the work of the gospel IS hard.  But it is good.  The other thing God had been teaching me repeatedly through our study was how He blesses us in, through, and following suffering.  He refines us through trials.

^"2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."   James 1:2-4

And again in verse 12:

 "¹² Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him."

I don't think it's by accident that James concludes his chapter on trials, and the benefits that come from and through them, with this piece on caring for orphans:

^"27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."    James 1:27

So in answer to the questions that folks have asked,

"Are you crazy?"

Yep.  Crazy about the gospel.  Crazy about Jesus.  Crazy enough to take Him at His word, and follow His literal words to lay down our lives for others, and to care for orphans in their distress.  

"You must be a glutton for punishment."

If by that you mean choosing a trial on purpose, knowing that the end result will be worth it, then yes, we are.  If by that you mean we love doing hard things, or we purposely choose the path of most resistance, the answer is no!  But we are trusting that God is good and will give us the grace that we need to persevere, even when things are difficult.  

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

Absolutely.  Check out what amazing things Jesus has been doing in the heart of our  5 year-old.  Totally worth all the hard work and inconvenience.  

"Sometimes it's just not the right season for these things."

And to this I say, "I agree."  Sometimes the timing isn't 'right' and God doesn't always tell us that it's time for us to say, "Yes."  But that isn't for others to judge.  Each and every one of us is called to different things by God, in different seasons of life, and it is up to each one of us to respond to the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives.  Please don't try to take on that role yourself.  

And to those who think 5 kids is just too many, this blogger took the words right out of my mouth.   My favorite lines:  "Parenthood makes me work hard.  Without kids, I’m sure I’d watch more TV, drink more wine, and become a more selfish individual.  With kids, I’m forced to think of others and avoid self-absorption."  Amen and Amen.  This is also a lesson we are (hopefully!) teaching our children, by our example and by providing them the opportunity to share their spaces, their toys, and their parents.  We pray that they will learn to put others first and avoid the self-centered, "me-first" mentality that is so pervasive in our American culture.

In conclusion, I'd be lying if I said that what we're doing right now is glamorous, super-spiritual work.  It's not.  I spend the majority of my days cleaning up spilled applesauce off the table, (and chairs, and floor,) wiping sticky hands and faces, changing multiple poopy diapers and occasionally getting peed on myself, gathering up dozens of stray socks and mismatched pajama sets from floors and drawers and toy boxes and attempting to return them to the correct owners.  One of the kids screams for an hour every time I put him in his highchair.  Another one lies to my face multiple times a day.  My own kids are adjusting to less one on one time and attention from me throughout the day, which often leads to tears and temper-tantrums.  Two of my kids have bite marks from a toddler that's had a hard time adjusting to a new home and a new mama and a new dada.  By 8:00 every night Tim and I are both EXHAUSTED.  Putting 5 kids under age 6 to bed is a major undertaking!  I'd be lying if I didn't tell you that after just 10 days into this I looked at my husband and said "I'm done!  We're crazy!  I don't want to do this anymore!"

But then I play back the other moments of my day...the softer moments that sneak in between the hard stuff.  Answering innocent questions such as "What's the Bible?  Who was Jesus?  Can I have my own Bible to read?  Can we read another Bible story today?"  Friends, there are children out there who have NEVER HEARD THESE THINGS.

I get to look into 5 little sets of gorgeous young eyes and say "You are so special.  You are so beautiful.  God made you and He cares about you, and He's going to do amazing things with your life.  And I love you.  I'm so thankful to have you as part of my family right now."

I get two little brown arms clinging to my neck for a half an hour every morning before the rest of the kids wake up.  I get a little fuzzy braided head snuggled up into my shoulder at bedtime each night, allowing me to rock and sing to him.  I'm not sure he's ever heard "Jesus Loves Me" before.  Our days and nights are filled with even more hugging and kissing and holding and rocking than they were 2 weeks ago.

Today in church we sang the lyrics "so it's with everything I am, I reach out for your hand, the hope for change, the second chance I've gained..."  And I remembered a little brown hand that reaches for me from his highchair, wanting me to hold his hand while he eats.  Or the hands that reach up for mine at the park.  (Or dive for me without any warning from the top of the play structure, trusting that I'll catch him!) And I realized that we truly ARE the hands and feet of Christ to these little ones right now.  We are giving them the hope for change.  A second chance.  A glimpse of Jesus-centered family life.  And with tears in my eyes I didn't think "Why me?  Why did you ask me to do this hard thing?"  Instead it was "thank You, Jesus.  Thank You for using us.  Thank You for letting us be a part of this story that You are writing in their lives."

So if you hear of someone you know and love entering into foster care, or adoption, or some other "hard work" of the gospel, my plea to you is not to second guess them, or tell them they're crazy, or try to talk them out of it.  Love them.  Support them.  Encourage them.  Rally around to help them out, because in doing so, you too are participating in kingdom work.  We can't do this alone!  I am indebted to our friends and family who have already, in the last 10 days, been of tremendous support and encouragement.  Multiple times last week I had friends call or text on their way to the store to ask if I needed anything.  My parents picked up our eldest for a sleepover this weekend.  Another friend dropped off loads of pureed vegetables after I mentioned to her what a picky eater I have on my hands and how I wished I had the time to sneak some veggies into his food.  And a perfect stranger at church walked up to us and handed us a brand new Jesus Storybook Bible for our girl who's been asking for a Bible of her own.  She overheard us talking about it in the lobby and purchased one for her on the spot.   (Yes!  Tears were shed!) In addition, our church family has thus far provided a twin bed, a twin mattress, a toddler bed and mattress, and 2 carseats for these kiddos!  Without these tangible items we wouldn't be able to do this work!  And I have felt covered in prayers.  I know there must be numerous people praying for us, because this transition really has gone amazingly well.

And to those who say, "You're amazing!"  my answer is:  "nope.  I'm not.  But God is!"

and "How do you do it?"  I can honestly say "only by the grace of God."

^"9 But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me. ¹⁰ So I take pleasure in weaknesses, insults, catastrophes, persecutions, and in pressures, because of Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Step out in faith this week.  Do something hard for the sake of the gospel.  Advance the kingdom of God.  He is faithful.  He will bless you through it.  And He will grant you the grace and the strength to move mountains.

“For I assure you: If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will tell this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."   Matthew 17:20b

Resolution

I'm not usually one to get all fired up about making New Year's resolutions, but for some reason this year the thought has crossed my mind a few times, "IF I were to have a resolution, what would it be?"

So simple, and seemingly un-eventful, I think mine would be to go to bed earlier.  That's it.  My days would run so much more smoothly if I simply got an extra hour of sleep each night, and let's face it, with multiple small children, that's not going to happen on the morning end of my sleep cycle.  I've been getting up a lot earlier lately, which is great, but the days get long and by 4:00 I hit a massive wall of T.I.R.E.D. that wouldn't seem so insurmountable if I only went to bed an hour earlier each night.

And I just read this quote on one of my favorite blogs that really struck a chord in me:

"We are more likely to impact our families with a morning on our knees that a late night on the 'net."

SO.  TRUE.

Another quote that's been rolling around in my head lately,

"Wherever you are, be all there."  

I think it was Jim Elliot who said this, but I read it back in high school, so don't quote me on that.  But whoever it was, there's a lot of wisdom there.  Especially in our technology driven world that we live in today.  I'm considering deactivating my Facebook account, in hopes of eliminating the vast time-sucking-nature it can so easily have on my life.  And I'm having a love-hate relationship with my smartphone for the same reason.  I'm really feeling the burden of wanting to be "all there" for my kids, and thinking through the best ways to do that.  This is an idea in progress, and I'm looking forward to seeing where it leads!

Parenting Challenges

Disclaimer:  Raw, ugly, heart honesty contained in this post.  Only read if you really want to get to know a not-so-nice part of my heart better. ;)

Over recent weeks months years I feel like God has been teaching me over and over again, through different means, about how to incorporate grace into my parenting.  Don't you love it when you just don't seem to get it the first time, so the same lesson keeps popping up over and over and over again?  I'm glad God loves me enough to stick with me, keep working on me, and helping me to maybe finally start to GET this. 

Let me begin by saying I am not a gracious person by nature.  My heart beats more in tune with justice than mercy, and it's hard for me to find that wonderful place of balance in between the two.  Be it with myself, my husband, or my kids, I'm much more likely to hold everyone to the highest standards, lay down the law, make up lists of rules to follow.  I am not naturally inclined to overlook offenses, or keep no record of wrongs.  I'm currently plowing through Sally Clarkson's The Ministry of Motherhood for book club, and the first section is all about how to impart to your children the gift of grace.  Ugh.  So. Thoroughly. Convicted.  The first quote that really got to me was her lesson from Luke 7:

"'For this reason I say to you, her sins, which are many, have been forgiven, for she loved much; but he who is forgiven little, loves little.'"  This is an important word to us as parents.  Sometimes we feel that we need to play the role of the Holy Spirit in our children's lives and impose great guilt on them so they will be hesitant to sin anymore.  But I don't see this in the life of Jesus.  Yes, Jesus always called his disciples and followers to the highest standards...and yet, wherever he went, Jesus proclaimed forgiveness and extended his gracious forgiveness to all who sought him---including the tax collectors, prostitutes, and even a thief on the cross.  He maintained this same attitude of gentle and gracious forgiveness toward the disciples even as they abandoned him at the cross.  Jesus took the time to personally talk to them about sin and to offer them grace.  And it was this gracious forgiveness, I believe, that opened their hearts so that they "loved much."   Our children need the same kind of gentle graciousness from us if they are to learn to share their vulnerability, to confess their own sin, and to be free to love.  If they fear our strong condemnation and possible rejection, they will hide their sin, perhaps even deceive themselves about the nature of it.  They will definitely not avail themselves of our mature direction in their lives."  (p 54-55, emphasis mine.)

Whew.  Seriously, so convicting, right?  Just wait, it gets better...

Sally offers study/discussion questions at the end of each section in this book, and this one had me thoroughly stumped:

"The Bible makes it clear that we are to discipline and correct our children when they do wrong.  How do you do this faithfully while still giving them the gift of grace?"

I read this through 3 or 4 times last night and honestly had NO IDEA how to answer it.  No idea.  Not even an inkling, folks!  I talked it through with Tim and we were both kind of just shaking our heads.  It has been particularly hard to demonstrate grace to our firstborn in times of disobedience.  She's so sharp that she doesn't miss a thing...so if I ever decide to overlook an offense, or lighten a punishment, (in the name of being 'gracious,')...the whole concept of 'if you give them an inch they'll take a mile' has gone into effect.  For instance, if we don't discipline her the first time for coming out of her bedroom at bedtime, she'll be out of bed, out of her room, 10 or 20 times for the next week.  It's ridiculous!  We've been realizing more and more just how strongly she needs hard and fast boundaries within which to operate.  So that's been our dilemma...how to show grace within the realm of firm boundaries.  Tricky, if you ask me.  

My vague conclusion is that is must boil down to my attitude, especially my attitude in the midst of, and following discipline.  So I've been trying to make a more conscious effort to verbally tell my girls "I love you when you obey AND when you disobey." And realizing that my words don't mean a thing if they're not backed up by my actions.  I need to act towards my children like God acts toward me, and His love for me is unconditional.  And lately I've been realizing how horribly conditional my outward acts of love toward my kids can be.  When they are whining and crabby and kicking and screaming and defiant, my natural instinct is to send them to their room, rather than draw them in, hugging and kissing and snuggling and showing affection.  I love how Ann Voskamp lists this in her Parenting Manifesto of Joy, "Today, the moment when I am most repelled by a child’s behavior, that is my sign to draw the very closest to that child." And this, my friends, is truly unconditional love.  This is how my children will begin to truly understand what grace is...they must see the love of the Father in me.  

This morning at church we sang a song that really helped me wrap my mind more around what this might look like.  It's meant to be sung about my relationship with God, but I think a lot of the lines can also be applied to how I want my kids to view me...as good, love, light, hope, peaceful when they are afraid...obviously the analogy breaks down at some point because death loses its sting in Christ, not me, and I won't reign over the world forever. :)  But you get the gist.  And of course I'm not going to perfectly be all these things to my kids anyway...and my ultimate goal is not to be everything to them, but to point them to Christ.  

Hillsong – Forever Reign

You are good, You are good
When there’s nothing good in me
You are love, You are love
On display for all to see
You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin

You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy
You’re the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost it’s sting

Oh, I’m running to your arms,
I’m running to arms
The riches of your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In your presence I’m made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I’m letting go

Oh, I’m running to your arms
I’m running to arms
The riches of your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

//My heart will sing
no other name
Jesus, Jesus//

//Oh, I’m running to your arms
I’m running to arms
The riches of your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

Anyway, that's a lot of rambling for one post.  Thanks for sticking with me.  I'm really looking forward to listening to Sally Clarkson in person in just 2 weeks!!  If her books are this good I'm sure her conference will not disappoint.  Next up on my reading list is Give Them Grace: Dazzling Your Kids with the Love of Jesus, by Elyse M. Fitzpatrick and Jessica Thompson.  Some good friends have recently read and highly recommended this one to me.  

How about you?  Do you wrestle with how to show grace in the midst of training and disciplining your children?  What has helped you find this balance?

My Grandpa, Rex

On the Tuesday before Thanksgiving I got an unexpected phone call that my grandfather had suddenly passed away.  All I can say is that it caught our family completely off guard, and the holiday week was hard.  It was so good to spend time with my grandma, parents, aunts, uncles, and cousins (as well as Tim and my own kids), talking, laughing, crying, and sharing stories, memories, and photos of a man who was a true patriarch of the family.  There were between 400 and 500 people at his visitation, which happened on a holiday weekend!  What a testament to the tremendous impact he had on his community as well.

I had the honor of speaking at his funeral on behalf of the family, so I thought I would post a copy of what I put together, for those of you who knew him but weren't able to attend.

Rex E. Coatney

These past few days as I’ve tried to process the information that my grandpa is no longer alive, I’ve had an extremely difficult time wrapping my mind around this fact.  At first I thought it was because I’ve never been so closely affected by death; I’ve not experienced the loss of a grandparent before.  But every time I thought about him, or pictured him, he was still so vibrant, so alive, in my memories...laughing, telling a story, giving me a hug, growling like a bear to make my children squeal and giggle and run away...still so full of life.  And I realized that this is why his death is so hard for me to accept, because Rex Coatney was a man who was full of life, with a bounce in his step and a sparkle in his eyes, and he shared his zest for life with everyone around him.  

Be it friends or family or the waitress bringing food to our table, Rex had a way of making everyone around him feel comfortable, included, welcome, and important.  I know he always made me feel important.  From the day I was born he always referred to me as his ‘favorite granddaughter,’ and I held this title with pride for a good 14 years...and then suddenly my title changed to his favorite “14-year-old,” when Emmi was born.  He found a way to continue making me feel important without demeaning anyone else.  I also have fond memories of riding around Glenwood in his pick-up truck; a quick “run downtown for a paper,” always turned into a tour of the bank, or the store, or walking through Kaiman’s, being introduced to anyone and everyone we met.  Everybody knew Rex, and I was his granddaughter!  I’ve never felt like more of a celebrity.

It’s been hard to explain to my 2 and 4 year old girls why they can’t visit Papa Rex anymore.  We explained to them that he went to heaven.  Then when we started packing up the car last Wednesday to drive to Glenwood, and said we were going to Papa Rex and Great-grandma’s house, Norah (our 2 year old) asked, “Oh! Are we going to heaven tomorrow?”  I’ve been hanging onto that thought...thinking about visiting him in heaven.  It made me think of that day, sometime in the future, when I will meet him at the gates.  I imagine he’ll greet me with a tight squeeze and a great big smile, then he’ll wrap one arm around my side and take me all around to introduce me to all the people he knows there.  I can hear him now, saying “this is my granddaughter!” with pride.

I’ll miss his stories.  Grandpa was such a storyteller, and did he have stories to tell!  From refereeing football games to adjusting crops, teaching students, acting as principle, and selling women’s clothing...his tales were endless and interesting and often funny, too.  Part of what made his storytelling so great was the light in his eyes.  Some people have bright eyes, but Grandpa’s eyes really sparkled.  It was hard not to get excited about whatever he was talking about.  I think that’s part of the reason that Rex and Anita’s clothing store was so successful.  Ladies didn’t just go into the store for clothes, they went in to shoot the breeze with Rex!  And I’ll never forget his laugh...it was one-of-a-kind.  Grandpa was always quick with a smile and with a laugh.  We decided that the only thing missing last night at the visitation was his laugh.  He would have loved to talk with each and every person filing through the line, and you could have picked his laugh out of the crowd.

He was such a fun grandpa!  He took me to my first Husker game, taught me how to mow the lawn, let me drive his golf cart, even though, in his words, I drove it like a bat out of...I’ll let you fill in the blank!  He even let me paint his face up like a clown...not only once...but twice!  He took me to the Shriner circus and the Omaha zoo on more than one occasion.  He even wanted to have some fun after his death.  He told George Peterson years ago that when he died, he wanted George to prop him up in the back of a red convertible and drive around the square.  (Sorry Grandpa, that was one request we had a hard time following through with today!)

(This was not a part of my eulogy, but I wanted to include these next two photos.  Long story short...he was color-blind, wore orange socks to my mom's wedding...and then convinced my dad to carry on the tradition at mine.) :)

He was a hard worker, and taught us all the value of honest hard work from a young age.  When I was in grade school he told me that if I learned how to write in cursive, and then sent him a letter, he would buy me a phone.  We both held up our end of the deal, and he installed my first phone line in my bedroom, whether my dad was ready for that or not.

This Thanksgiving weekend, I am so very thankful to have had 31 years to know and love Rex Coatney.  And I am so thankful that my children got a chance to know him; though that time was short, they know him, talk about him, and love him.  And looking around at the family gathered today, I am thankful for this amazing legacy that started with Rex and Anita.  Though their personalites are very different, they are truly a perfect match, and together started this beautiful family.  It speaks volumes of Rex’s character to see that his 3 grown children are walking with the Lord; and teaching their children...and grandchildren...to do the same.  And I can’t begin to count the number of other people who have stories to tell about how my grandpa taught them something, helped them out in a tough time, or changed their life.  Whoever says one man can’t make a difference never met Rex Coatney.  Because he was a wonderful, honorable, loving, hard-working, God-fearing man, who impacted the lives of hundreds of people.  When he passed away, a bright bright light went out in this world, and he will truly be missed. 

Perspective

A friend of mine posted the following picture on Facebook this week, with the caption:  "Wow.  And I am often unsatisfied with my tote full of shoes.  Messed up." 

Perspective.

What a world of difference a little dose of it can make.  It really is so very good for the soul. 

It's taken 3 kids to finally get me to admit that my life is not that hard.  Busy?  Sure.  But hard?  Not really.

Shortly after Justus was born, and I was frustrated and discouraged about him having multiple distressed feedings throughout the day (and night,) and was occasionally at the end of my emotional rope trying to figure out what was going wrong.  Thankfully my dear friend Val, sister in Christ and lactation consultant for our local hospital, helped me figure out that I was simply producing way too much milk for the little guy. Unless you've been there, it's hard to understand that an abundance of milk can actually be problematic, and oh-so-frustrating.  So as he continued to choke and sputter and puke after nearly every feeding, we trouble shot some ways to decrease my supply, and I read about Adeline and her sweet little baby Kathryn.  And it totally changed my outlook on things.  As I was reading about this mother and baby living in Haiti, struggling to produce any milk at all, in a country where breastfeeding literally can mean the difference between life and death for an infant, it forced me to stop and thank God for the blessing of being able to feed my baby with so little difficulty.  Reflux is not that big of a deal.  In my small little world and the sheltered bubble that I live in, it can seem like such a huge issue, but in reality my baby was thriving and healthy.  Sure it was hard for him to sleep...but it was not a life or death issue.

And as I learned to juggle 3 kids under the age of 4, running on very little sleep, some other things happened to give me another kick-in-the-pants reality check.  Two little 3-year-old girls in our Connection Group had some very serious health issues.  One of them has a congenital heart defect, and while undergoing a surgical procedure she experienced some complications that landed her in the PICU, sedated and on a ventilator.  The other girl, our neighbor and frequent playdate-at-the-park-playmate, suddenly became very ill due to e-coli from an unknown source and quickly went into acute kidney failure.  She, too, was hospitalized, and very very sick for weeks.  Another huge dose of perspective for this mama of 3 healthy children.  Sure I was up a lot at night; but I was up with my healthy, thriving baby boy.  And yeah, my 3-year-old was up at the crack of dawn, my 2-year-old quit napping, both girls threw major fits at dinnertime every day, and fought with each other like cats over toys; but they were home with me and they were healthy and growing and learning and often more sweet and well-behaved than I readily admitted to anyone who asked.  Why do I feel like other people need to think that my life is so hard?  This is an ugly piece of my heart that I've only recently uncovered, and I'm not sure what lies at it's root.  It's probably pride.  And a desire to have the approval and affirmation of men, rather than God, who sees what is done in secret and rewards those who earnestly seek Him, rather than the accolades of others.  Or maybe it's an excuse for why things don't run as smoothly in my household as I'd like them to, when in reality the reason my house isn't very clean is because I don't work very hard at keeping it that way.  Let's be honest:  homemaking is hard work!

I'm not sure where this post is heading, or how to really conclude it.  I can't really tie a nice little bow on it and call it "good," because in reality this is a work that I feel like God is just beginning in my heart.  And frankly I'm more-than-a-little scared to see where it might lead.  But while it's painful to have ugly sin issues surface, it's a good kind of hurt, knowing that He's chipping away at something that's been keeping me from experiencing true intimacy with Him.  So for now I'm working on embracing my current lot in life with joy, and living a more thankful life.  Changing my perspective can make all the difference in the world, as I substitute my whining, grumbling, and complaining, with prayers of thanksgiving instead:  The mess in my living room is evidence that happy children play here, and for that I am thankful.  And cleaning up one more poopy diaper is evidence that my baby is thriving and well-fed, and for that I am thankful.  And my husband being gone early in the morning because he's taking care of his body and striving to be healthy means that hopefully he'll be around for many many more years to come.  And when he works late and getting dinner on the table feels like the last hour of a marathon that I wasn't really ready to run to begin with, I remind myself that I have a husband, and I'm thankful for him!  And he's working hard to support our family, because he loves us and cares for us, and it's important to him that I stay home to raise our children.  And for that I am so thankful!

I really feel like this is only the tip of the iceberg of introspective thoughts that have been spiraling around in my head over the last few months.  It's hard to find time to process them all, let alone sit down to type them out.  But I want to write these things down.  Scratch that, I need to write these things down, so I won't forget these important lessons that God is teaching me.  And if anyone else can be encouraged through that process, all the better!

"Only be on your guard and diligently watch yourselves, so that you don't forget the things your eyes have seen and so that they don't slip from your mind as long as you live. Teach them to your children and your grandchildren."  Deut 4:9

Am I alone in this "my life is not that hard" revelation?  Did this post make any sense at all?  How about you?  What helps you maintain a right perspective when life gets overwhelming?

Hug a Mom today

Happy Mother's Day today to my mom, my mother-in-law, and all the wonderful Grandmas in our life.  We are so blessed by all of you, and thankful for the many many sacrifices that you have made over the years on our behalf!  Thank you.

In honor of Mother's Day I am relaying another mom's words on motherhood that blessed me today.  Actually, they made me cry.  To all you young moms out there with young kids...read, be blessed, and be thankful.  Small children are a lot of work, but they are indeed a blessing!

Visit Sit a Spell to read the original post. 

I grow increasingly convinced that God values children much, much more than we do. 

We value a clean floor more than children. We value free time more than children. We value the good dishes more than children. We value going out to eat or watching grown-up television shows more than we value children. 

All the world, including the church, tells us that children are a bother, perhaps even a mistake. If you don’t believe that, introduce a family with many babies into your church and see how long it takes for someone to say, “They know what causes that, don’t they?” 

We have let the world convince us that a large family is a curse, when the Bible clearly teaches that many children are a blessing, a sign of God’s great favor. 

If I had the choice right now, there would be more children in my family. And I think I might be brave enough to let God decide how many. 

I remember that it seemed a little frantic around my house when the children were little. I never got “it all” done, whatever “it all” is. There was not much privacy or money or free time. There was lots of laundry and garbage and stinky stuff. The boys were going to be 2 and 4 forever. It was never going to end. 

Don’t get me wrong - I enjoyed my boys. But it was all colored by that worldly, selfish, hurry-up-and-grow-up attitude. And then it was over. I woke up one morning and they were almost as tall as me. The next day, or so it seemed, they didn’t even live with us. Now there is not much garbage or laundry or stinky stuff. And there is much more privacy and money and free time. 

I’d trade it all in a heartbeat. 

I would do laundry around the clock if it meant I could have one more day with my little boys in my home. I want the piles of blue jeans back. If my family had been larger, perhaps I would have grown in wisdom and learned to treasure the tiny victories and agonies of everyday. Perhaps not, but at least it would have lasted longer. 

You think they’ll be little forever. You can’t imagine being able to handle – afford – care for another little life. But you can. And it will be over before you know it, with plenty of years left to use the good dishes. 

So today, here's to sticky fingers, dirty buns, snotty noses, night-time crying, whining mouths, floors covered with toys and crumbs, and my car that smells like the dirty diaper I forgot to take out of it last week.  Today I am embracing every aspect of being a mom...because the JOY really does overshadow the messes.  Thank you, Jesus, for these sweet little girls!

Life Lessons

Awhile back I was inspired by this post.  I often get overwhelmed by all the things I want to teach my children; life skills, values I want to instill in them, character traits I pray they will possess, and on and on.  What a great idea to make a list and write it all down!  (Anything that involves list-making...sign me up, please.)  And when I start to get frustrated as the laundry piles up and the dust bunnies take over, naps go poorly and accidents happen on the living room carpet, this will be a wonderful tool for me to refocus, and remember that the time I have with my children is short, and these are the most important things.

So last April, (a year ago!  that's how long it's taken me to finish this post!) while driving down I-80 on a road trip, Tim and I compiled the following list together.  After we finished it, we realized that not all, but many of these 'life lessons,' so to speak, could be found in the Bible.  I decided to wait and post this once I found scripture references to back up our points, and let me just say, it's taken awhile! Interestingly, as I searched through the Bible to find verses that support our convictions, I found quite a few more overarching principles to add to our list!  This will definitely remain a work in progress.  So without further ado...

By God's grace, these are life lessons we pray our children will grow to learn and embrace and eventually pass on to others:

Love Jesus. (Matthew 22:36-38, Ephesians 3:14-19, Ephesians 6:24, John 14:15)
Fear God, and obey Him. (Deuteronomy 5:29, 6:13, 10:12-13, 10:20, Ecclesiastes 12:13)
Trust God. (Proverbs 3:5-6)
Love people. (Matthew 22:36-40, 1 Thessalonians 3:12, Ephesians 5:2)
Serve others. (Philippians 2:3-4, Romans 12:10)

Give generously. (Romans 12:13, Proverbs 11:25)
Practice hospitality.  (Romans 12:13)
Be content. (Philippians 4:11-13)
Love God's word.  Memorize it.  Meditate on it.  (Psalm 119:9-16, Colossians 3:16, Deuteronomy 6:6-9)
Be teachable. (Proverbs 16:20)
Live simply.  (1 Thessalonians 4:11-12)
Pursue purity. (Matthew 5:8, 1 Timothy 4:12, Romans 12:1, 1 Corinthians 6:18-20)
Pray.  A lot.  (Ephesians 6:18, Colossians 4:2, Philippians 4:6, 1 Thessalonians 5:17)
Choose joy. (And find joy in little, everyday things.) (Proverbs 17:22, 1 Thessalonians 5:16)

Learn from your mistakes.  (Proverbs 26:11)
Seek peace, and be a peacemaker.  (Romans 14:19, 2 Thessalonians 3:16, Matthew 5:9, Colossians 3:15)
Be humble.  (Proverbs 3:7-8, 29:23)
Try new things.

Associate with low people. (Romans 12:16)
Use your God-given gifts. (To glorify God, serve others, and when making education and career choices.) (Romans 12:6)
Pursue wisdom (versus knowledge.)  (Proverbs 2, Proverbs 4:5-9, Ephesians 1:17-19)
Respect authority. (Romans 13:1)
Stay physically fit.  (Proverbs 31:17, 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, Romans 12:1)

(or at least try.) ;)

Steward money well.  (Proverbs 31:16, Matthew 25:14-30)
Work hard; work joyfully. (1 Thessalonians 4:11-12, Colossians 3:23, Proverbs 31:13, 2 Thessalonians 3:7-13)
Experience manual labor. (Proverbs 31:17)
Rest.  (Genesis 2:2-3, Psalm 37:7, Hebrews 4:9-11)

Make music.  (Ephesians 5:19-20, Psalms)

Worship God all the time.  (1 Corinthians 10:31, Psalm 96:8-10, Psalm 59:15-17, Philippians 4:4)
Read good books.

Choose quality friends. (Proverbs 17:17, 27:17)
Be a faithful friend. (Proverbs 3:3-4)
Create.  (Build, paint, plant, draw, sing, bake, play an instrument, write, compose.)

Live responsibly. (Take good care of God's creation, don't be wasteful, consume less.)
Eat wholesome food.  (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)

Think eternally.  (Colossians 3:1-2)
Set goals.
Follow through.
Serve the poor (with compassion). (Colossians 3:12, Proverbs 14:21, 19:17, 31:20)
Be resourceful.

Be thankful.  (Colossians 3:15, 1 Thessalonians 5:18)
Practice patience regularly. (1 Corinthians 13:4, Colossians 1:10-12, 3:12, Galatians 5:22-23)
Strive to be a blessing to, not a burden on, others. (2 Thessalonians 3:8, 1 Thessalonians 4:11-12)
Use time wisely.  (Ephesians 5:15-17)
Laugh.  A lot.  (At yourself!)  (Psalm 126:2-3, Proverbs 15:30)

Forgive. (Colossians 3:13, Ephesians 4:32)

Choose words carefully and be slow to speak. (Colossians 4:6, Proverbs 15:1, 17:14, 27-28, 10:19, 29:20)
Be slow to get angry. (Proverbs 14:29, Proverbs 16:32, Proverbs 29:11, Ecclesiastes 7:9)
Tell the truth. (Proverbs 24:26)

Thinking/praying through and making this list has led to 2 major thoughts that keep swirling around in my head:
1) How can I NOT home school?  Where will we find enough time in the day to really instill these values in our kids if we only have a few hours (when everyone is likely tired and cranky) at the end of the day together? 
2)  Yikes.  I need to learn these lessons myself, and start demonstrating them, if I want to give my kids half a chance at picking them up, too!   God give me grace.

How about you?  What's on your list?