Obedience is Hard

As some of you know, we recently said "yes" to a foster care call, and some of the responses we're getting to voluntarily caring for 5 children under age 6 have given me pause, and prompted a mass of thoughts that I feel the need to type out and share.  These comments have ranged from:

"Are you crazy?"

"You must be a glutton for punishment."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Sometimes it's just not the right season for these things."

to..."You're amazing!" and

"How do you do it?"

It's made me stop and ask myself "why DID we say yes to this call?"  Honestly we say "No" to the majority of calls that we get.  We prayerfully considered this, and I can't describe it any other way than to say this time God wanted us to say "Yes."

I've been studying the fruits of the Spirit with the ladies in my Connection Group over the past few months, and the resounding take home message that I've been getting from the scriptures has been the fact that God builds character through hard things.  Through suffering.  Through persecution.  Through trouble.  Through hard work.  And frankly,

I don't like hard work.  

That's the honest truth.  But God has been slowly, graciously, thankfully refining me, showing me how lazy and selfish I am, and how much I want my life to be slower, simple, convenient.  So we got the call...2 kids...about the same ages as 2 of our kids...and I thought "that sounds hard."
But...*newsflash*...the work of the gospel was hard.  It wasn't logical for Christ to leave His throne in heaven and take on human form.  To leave a perfectly comfortable, glorious life above with His Father and join our ranks down here in this sinful fallen world.  It wasn't easy for Him to take the walk to the garden of Gethsemane, knowing all of his friends were about to leave Him out to dry.  It wasn't easy for Him to carry the cross up the hill to where He would die.  He didn't want to lay down His life for a bunch of people who didn't deserve it, (in fact, He even asked God to let Him out of it!) but God asked Him to continue on, and He did.  And I'm so thankful that He DID!

So if Christ was willing to suffer and die for me, how can I not give up my "life" (and by life I mean my more comfortable, less crazy and chaotic life,) for 2, maybe 3 months???   And if Christ was willing to do that for me, how can I look these precious children in the eyes and say, "I'm sorry, Jesus made time for me, but I don't have time for you.  It's going to take too much time and energy and work for me to take care of you.  Surely someone else can do it."  Bottom line:  I can't.  Not in good conscience, at least.

Let's face it, the work of the gospel IS hard.  But it is good.  The other thing God had been teaching me repeatedly through our study was how He blesses us in, through, and following suffering.  He refines us through trials.

^"2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."   James 1:2-4

And again in verse 12:

 "¹² Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him."

I don't think it's by accident that James concludes his chapter on trials, and the benefits that come from and through them, with this piece on caring for orphans:

^"27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."    James 1:27

So in answer to the questions that folks have asked,

"Are you crazy?"

Yep.  Crazy about the gospel.  Crazy about Jesus.  Crazy enough to take Him at His word, and follow His literal words to lay down our lives for others, and to care for orphans in their distress.  

"You must be a glutton for punishment."

If by that you mean choosing a trial on purpose, knowing that the end result will be worth it, then yes, we are.  If by that you mean we love doing hard things, or we purposely choose the path of most resistance, the answer is no!  But we are trusting that God is good and will give us the grace that we need to persevere, even when things are difficult.  

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

Absolutely.  Check out what amazing things Jesus has been doing in the heart of our  5 year-old.  Totally worth all the hard work and inconvenience.  

"Sometimes it's just not the right season for these things."

And to this I say, "I agree."  Sometimes the timing isn't 'right' and God doesn't always tell us that it's time for us to say, "Yes."  But that isn't for others to judge.  Each and every one of us is called to different things by God, in different seasons of life, and it is up to each one of us to respond to the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives.  Please don't try to take on that role yourself.  

And to those who think 5 kids is just too many, this blogger took the words right out of my mouth.   My favorite lines:  "Parenthood makes me work hard.  Without kids, I’m sure I’d watch more TV, drink more wine, and become a more selfish individual.  With kids, I’m forced to think of others and avoid self-absorption."  Amen and Amen.  This is also a lesson we are (hopefully!) teaching our children, by our example and by providing them the opportunity to share their spaces, their toys, and their parents.  We pray that they will learn to put others first and avoid the self-centered, "me-first" mentality that is so pervasive in our American culture.

In conclusion, I'd be lying if I said that what we're doing right now is glamorous, super-spiritual work.  It's not.  I spend the majority of my days cleaning up spilled applesauce off the table, (and chairs, and floor,) wiping sticky hands and faces, changing multiple poopy diapers and occasionally getting peed on myself, gathering up dozens of stray socks and mismatched pajama sets from floors and drawers and toy boxes and attempting to return them to the correct owners.  One of the kids screams for an hour every time I put him in his highchair.  Another one lies to my face multiple times a day.  My own kids are adjusting to less one on one time and attention from me throughout the day, which often leads to tears and temper-tantrums.  Two of my kids have bite marks from a toddler that's had a hard time adjusting to a new home and a new mama and a new dada.  By 8:00 every night Tim and I are both EXHAUSTED.  Putting 5 kids under age 6 to bed is a major undertaking!  I'd be lying if I didn't tell you that after just 10 days into this I looked at my husband and said "I'm done!  We're crazy!  I don't want to do this anymore!"

But then I play back the other moments of my day...the softer moments that sneak in between the hard stuff.  Answering innocent questions such as "What's the Bible?  Who was Jesus?  Can I have my own Bible to read?  Can we read another Bible story today?"  Friends, there are children out there who have NEVER HEARD THESE THINGS.

I get to look into 5 little sets of gorgeous young eyes and say "You are so special.  You are so beautiful.  God made you and He cares about you, and He's going to do amazing things with your life.  And I love you.  I'm so thankful to have you as part of my family right now."

I get two little brown arms clinging to my neck for a half an hour every morning before the rest of the kids wake up.  I get a little fuzzy braided head snuggled up into my shoulder at bedtime each night, allowing me to rock and sing to him.  I'm not sure he's ever heard "Jesus Loves Me" before.  Our days and nights are filled with even more hugging and kissing and holding and rocking than they were 2 weeks ago.

Today in church we sang the lyrics "so it's with everything I am, I reach out for your hand, the hope for change, the second chance I've gained..."  And I remembered a little brown hand that reaches for me from his highchair, wanting me to hold his hand while he eats.  Or the hands that reach up for mine at the park.  (Or dive for me without any warning from the top of the play structure, trusting that I'll catch him!) And I realized that we truly ARE the hands and feet of Christ to these little ones right now.  We are giving them the hope for change.  A second chance.  A glimpse of Jesus-centered family life.  And with tears in my eyes I didn't think "Why me?  Why did you ask me to do this hard thing?"  Instead it was "thank You, Jesus.  Thank You for using us.  Thank You for letting us be a part of this story that You are writing in their lives."

So if you hear of someone you know and love entering into foster care, or adoption, or some other "hard work" of the gospel, my plea to you is not to second guess them, or tell them they're crazy, or try to talk them out of it.  Love them.  Support them.  Encourage them.  Rally around to help them out, because in doing so, you too are participating in kingdom work.  We can't do this alone!  I am indebted to our friends and family who have already, in the last 10 days, been of tremendous support and encouragement.  Multiple times last week I had friends call or text on their way to the store to ask if I needed anything.  My parents picked up our eldest for a sleepover this weekend.  Another friend dropped off loads of pureed vegetables after I mentioned to her what a picky eater I have on my hands and how I wished I had the time to sneak some veggies into his food.  And a perfect stranger at church walked up to us and handed us a brand new Jesus Storybook Bible for our girl who's been asking for a Bible of her own.  She overheard us talking about it in the lobby and purchased one for her on the spot.   (Yes!  Tears were shed!) In addition, our church family has thus far provided a twin bed, a twin mattress, a toddler bed and mattress, and 2 carseats for these kiddos!  Without these tangible items we wouldn't be able to do this work!  And I have felt covered in prayers.  I know there must be numerous people praying for us, because this transition really has gone amazingly well.

And to those who say, "You're amazing!"  my answer is:  "nope.  I'm not.  But God is!"

and "How do you do it?"  I can honestly say "only by the grace of God."

^"9 But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me. ¹⁰ So I take pleasure in weaknesses, insults, catastrophes, persecutions, and in pressures, because of Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Step out in faith this week.  Do something hard for the sake of the gospel.  Advance the kingdom of God.  He is faithful.  He will bless you through it.  And He will grant you the grace and the strength to move mountains.

“For I assure you: If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will tell this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."   Matthew 17:20b

Wait....what?  I have a blog?????  



Just a quick note to check in and to say thanks to those of you who still check this lonely site.  A little list for you of why I've taken a 2+ month sabbatical from blogger-land:

1.  Justus started crawling.
2.  I went back to work part-time.  I am temporarily working 20 hours a week at ISU, filling in for a physical therapist on maternity leave.  While it is incredibly hard to leave my kids for that volume of time, (and inconvenient...Justus is still nursing and doesn't take a bottle...HELLO hard to schedule around!), I LOVE THIS JOB.  It has been so good for my mental health to jump back into "professional" mode, review my rusty PT skills, and interact with adults for a larger portion of the week.  :)
3.  Laundry for 3 kids and a husband who works out every day, sometimes twice.  Enough said.
4.  We're moving!  Through a crazy unexpected turn of events, God placed our eventually-will-be-our-dream-home in our lap, so we made an offer and have a signed purchase agreement.  We are SUPER excited about nearly doubling our living space, and having a nearly 3/4 of an acre backyard.  And my new laundry room is HUGE.  Are you sensing a theme to this post???  I say "eventually," b/c first we will have to scrape wall paper off of nearly every surface in the house.  Which will likely lead to another blogging sabbatical...*sigh.*
5.  Instead of selling our current home, we're going to try and lease it.  If we can find the right family...for the right price.  Feel free to pray for all the details and timetables for that to work out!  My parents would appreciate your prayers for that as well...so we don't end up living in their basement for 2+ months. :)  So we are busy getting our house rental-ready, show-worthy, and thinking about starting to pack.  UGH.
6.  Audrey has a pet praying mantis.  Instead of blogging it is a higher priority to catch spiders and crickets and other live fodder to feed it with.  Against all odds, it has survived over 2 weeks under my roof.  Those of you who know me, and my tremendous dislike of all insects, will appreciate how miraculous this is.

That's all the excuses I have for now.  But I miss you all!  Pop in and comment and tell me how you're doing.  If you blog, don't assume I know anything that's going on in your life, b/c I basically haven't read any blogs for the last 2 months either!  And now I must run...there is a basket of laundry (of course!) to be folded and an episode of The Guardian on Netflix calling my name...

Bedroom switcharoo...again

You may remember awhile back when I was pregnant with Justus and in crazy nesting mode that I rearranged bedrooms, and redecorated the nursery for Audrey.

I had planned on J and Norah sharing the larger bedroom.  Well, the little mister hasn't been quite the stellar sleeper that I hoped for, and about a month ago it became apparent that he just really needed his own room.

So we switched again!  Audrey's been sleeping much better at night, so we put her and Norah in together.  Justus gets the newly updated girlie room. :)  I took down the pink valence and accessories, and it's blue, so it's really not that big of a deal.  We do need to get the chandelier moved over, though!

So I'm torn about what to do with the girls' new shared space.  Here's how it stands right now:

I spent way too many hours making the valence for Audrey's room.  They have white bunk beds, so I considered just doing white bedspreads, keeping the valence and the dresser with pink knobs, and painting the room either blue, or pale pink.  I love the blue/pink combo, but I'm not sure how I feel about having 2 of our bedrooms side by side in the same color, though!?!?

Also, Norah has an adorable quilt that I got on clearance at Pottery Barn Kids a few years ago that I still love.  (That's Audrey in the picture!  Can you believe it!?!?)

But it's green and lavender.  Both of the girls have requested a lavender bedroom.  It's kind of their favorite color.  And it would go well with the tree and bird decals that are already on their bedroom wall.

Thoughts?  Ideas?  Suggestions?

Here's the other pieces of furniture and angles of the bedroom I have to work with:

These letters can pretty easily be changed, they're just scrapbook paper mod-podged onto wooden letters. Norah's are green and brown, pictured above.

The white chandelier will be in here too!  Unbeknownst to Tim, who will end up doing most of the work, I have grand plans to paint the baseboards white, scrape the popcorn off their ceiling and add crown molding, too.  :)  So keep that in mind.

Friday 5

1.  Belated Easter pictures:

2.  Audrey told me this week that she loves me more than cheese.  That means a lot, coming from her. :)

3.  I've lost 20 pounds over the last 2 months by not working out and eating lots of potato chips and Oreos.  Figure that one out.  Oh, and I'm nursing.  A baby who likes to eat around the clock.  Perhaps that has something to do with it?  Though it's kind of comforting that my jeans are falling off, I really would like to get more than 3 hours of sleep in a row.  :)  Seriously though, I'll stop complaining.  J-man finally got over a nasty RSV-like virus that had him wheezing all hours of the day and night and practically drowning in snot.  Poor little guy!  Now that he is on the mend he is his normal happy go lucky self, getting into everything, and finally sleeping in a crib in his own room!  He slept his longest stretch EVER last night...from 7 p.m. to 3:45 a.m.  I think it's helping not having him within arms' reach because my response time to his crying is that much slower.  :)  I've found he cries out 3 or 4 times a night that he stops before I get to his room.  What a relief!

4.  Audrey and Norah are roomies!!!  Though it wasn't my plan to put them in together when Justus was born, he's been such a terrible nighttime sleeper that it just worked out best this way.  Bedtimes have been much tricker, but once they finally get to sleep they've both been sleeping great.  And Audrey does a fantastic job of tiptoeing out in the morning without waking Norah, who prefers to sleep late.  I prefer her to sleep late too. :)  There have been many late night giggle fests, which are so fun to listen to, but are definitely catching up to us during the day...I can tell they are tired!  Here's to hoping we all get caught up soon.  And now I need get am going to find time to redecorate.  Win-win. :)

5.  Hmmm....what else is new?  My Physical Therapy license is nearly up for renewal (on my birthday! Just a few weeks away!) so I've been frantically finishing up my 40 hours of continuing education.  My dad and I went to a 2 day course together a few weekends ago, which was fun to do together.  Believe it or not, there was another father-daughter pair attending the same conference together!  It was neat to share the experience with my dad, and put my 'professional' hat on again for a few days.  I know it's good for me to just listen to the medical language for a few hours to remind myself what it was that I went to school for, and exercise those dusty parts of my brain.  :)  Sometimes I'm terrified of the thought of going back to work, since I know I've forgotten so much of the knowledge that I worked so hard to learn during grad school and my first few years of practice.  But then I look at these sweet faces and remind myself that I can never get these years back.  They are worth every sacrifice...career...personal time...and sleep!

So thankful that I get to catch all these little life moments with them:

 First time climbing a tree.

 Late morning sibling snuggles, just because they wanted to.

Pre-and-post-breakfast coloring, in PJs.  A daily routine in our house.

Hoping this Friday finds you working hard to treasure life's little moments!  It's been a battle for me today, but I am fighting for thankfulness.

Friday Quick 5

1.  It has been a crazy week.  But I'm going to attempt to focus on the positives rather than complaining.  I have much to be thankful for!  Tim was out of town for 4 days and 4 long nights, and all 3 kids got sick while he was away.  I am THANKFUL that Tim is now home, helped me man the night shift last night, and I am THANKFUL we have access to modern day medicine.  Our doctor's clinic is just 10 minutes away!  How many people around the world would do anything for that kind of access!  And when Justus' oxygen saturation was down to 88% while breathing at rest, we simply picked up a nebulizer and some medication and headed on home to start treatment.  What a blessing!

2.  The girls have watched so many movies this week that they're starting to get bored with them and asking to do things like paint with watercolors.  Usually it's the other way around...I'll take it!

3.  Even though Mr. J has been super sick this week and barely sleeping a wink, I can't believe how many gross motor milestones he's been meeting.  About 2 weeks ago he started slowly and awkwardly army crawling.  On Tuesday alone this week he started moving from all fours up to sitting, and back down again, advancing his arms while on all fours, pulling up to kneeling, and trying his hardest to pull up to standing at the couch.  When I gave him a little boost he stood there and played with an ear to ear grin for close to 10 minutes.  I caught him chewing on my laptop cord on one end of the living room and 5 minutes later on the other side of the room emptying out the bottom bookshelf.  Let the games begin.  He is SO happy to move!  I am THANKFUL he is making such strides even when he's sick, and I might even be a *teensy-weentsy* bit thankful that this cold is slowing him down.  If he weren't sick he probably would have started walking this week!!  :)  Ha.  JUST KIDDING! I want my babe to be healthy again.  No matter how busy he keeps me!

4.  Just when I was feeling stretched and crazy and like I couldn't possibly do it all this afternoon, (Justus woke up crying just 30 minutes into his afternoon nap, and I hadn't put either of the girls to bed yet,) everything just miraculously fell into place.  Norah asked to go to bed instead of finish her lunch, and promptly fell asleep.  Audrey read herself a book and practically put herself to bed as well!  SO not like them.  They are indeed not feeling well.  And God had a hand in it, I'm sure, as well.  This mama needed a break.

5.  Foster parenting is hard.  Period.  I have so much to say and so much to write about but I fear that I can't figure out how to put it into words, nor do I think I can fully do it justice while maintaining the confidentiality that we must as foster parents.  Suffice it to say, we are learning so much about discipline, grace, unconditional and tough love all rolled up into one.  And it's hard to let go of the fact that we simply cannot cram a lifetime's worth of lessons and training into just 3 short months.  For her or for us!  We are learning and growing so much through this experience; I hope and pray that it refines us and keeps us humble and makes us better parents for Audrey, Norah, and Justus as well.  I can honestly say that every night I collapse into bed and wonder how we're doing all that we're doing right now, and yet each day God is faithful to provide the strength, wisdom, grace, and humor that we need to see the day through.  We make mistakes and He picks up the pieces and brings restoration and healing.  More than anything I am THANKFUL to have the privilege of being a part of this young lady's life.  Say a prayer for M, would you?  She's walking a hard road.

And that's all I have for you this Friday.

To God be the glory.

A Truly Quick Friday 5, I Promise!

1.  The resident teenager decided last Sunday night to give her life to Jesus Christ.  There was much rejoicing!

2.  Justus slept through the night last night for the second time in his life.  There was much rejoicing!  It was bittersweet, however, because another child had me up at 3 a.m. to go potty.  Ah, well.  She's just keeping me sharp.  ;)

3.  At dinner Wednesday night I heard myself say, "Norah, take that out.  We don't put cauliflower between our toes."  I made a mental note to add that to the list of things I never thought I would say as a parent.

4.  At dinner Thursday night I heard Norah say, "Mommy, I just drank all the pea water!"  Again, I made a mental note to add that to the list of things I never thought I would hear as a parent.

5.  Today is Good Friday.  We have been anticipating Easter by opening Resurrection Eggs every day, and I am planning on doing the same rocks-in-the-Easter-baskets-the-night-before tradition that we started last year.  I am excited to celebrate this year more than ever with our newly redeemed foster daughter/sister-in-Christ for the first time ever!!!

He is Risen!

A Belated Friday 5

1. Norah has been starting the majority of her sentences this week with, "But Mommy, the thing is...."

2.  Audrey is convinced there is an invisible monster named "Sneaky" that lives in our house and moves things around while she is sleeping at night.  I have tried and tried and tried some more to convince her that I am Sneaky, and I do indeed pick up the house, put things away, and move some things around at night while she is sleeping.  She DOES. NOT. BELIEVE. ME.  Whenever she discovers something has changed, she gasps, and exclaims, "Sneaky did it!"

3.  Lately I've taken to carrying Justus around in my arms when we're out running errands instead of lugging around his carseat.  The dude is 20 pounds already, so he's quite a load to heft around.  It's funny when he's hungry, because he keeps one protective hand on my chest at all times.  Especially if I approach anyone else, or try to have a conversation.  He grips me tighter, and keeps his hand firmly placed, as if to say, "back off, she's mine!"

4.  Over the past 2 weeks the girls have been working diligently on creating an "alphabet train" in our kitchen.  We basically just took pieces of card stock paper, then drew giant letters on each one and turned the letter into a corresponding picture.  (A for alligator, a for apple, etc.)  We hung them up in a long line around the dining room, and the crowning feature was a hand-drawn engine to begin the chain, and a caboose to end it.  I told the girls when it was all finished we would invite some friends over to have an alphabet party to celebrate its completion.  I could not believe how motivated they were to finish it.  I think Audrey drew and colored at least 10 letters a day.  So last week I finally delivered on my promise, and we had a little gathering over to celebrate the alphabet.  A good time was had by all...except Norah.  About 30 minutes into the party I realized she was missing.  My little introvert was in her bedroom, sitting in her bed with her binky and her blanket.  Not one for crowds.  :)  About 15 minutes later she warmed up to the idea, and bravely ate a cookie on my lap in the dining room.  Then she ventured out to play with the kids.  Funny how different kids can be!

(Notice Norah's not even in this picture?  I hadn't realized she was missing yet.  Bad mama!!!)

The party was such a hit with all the other kids, though, (and moms too, I think!), that I'm considering throwing impromptu little parties more often.  What else could we randomly celebrate?  Numbers?  Flowers?  Elephants?  Maybe on a rainy day we could have a party celebrating worms...we have a few little boy friends who would be all over that.  

5. Both Audrey and Norah started keeping their Pull-Ups dry all night long within the same month.  We had sticker charts going for a looooooong time, hyped it way up, and incentivized the whole thing.  We bought 2 Beta fish.  They lasted about 3 weeks.  They didn't die, but they got "depressed."  Did you know it's possible for fish to get depressed?  Apparently, (reference:  Ask.com), Beta fish need much larger tanks than we have, more tropical greenery, and occasionally live food since they are naturally carnivores.  If these things are not provided, they will start acting lethargic, which is a sign of fish depression.  Ahem.  We weren't willing to spend a fortune upgrading our fish gear, so back to the pet store they went.  By the end of 3 weeks the novelty of having fish had pretty much worn off, so the girls weren't even sad to see them go.  It helped that I offered to let them each choose a new toy as their dry-diaper-at-night reward in place of the fish.  I figured we're saving a gagillion dollars on Pull-Ups, so they deserve it!

"Super duper ooper schmooper" excited when the Amazon package arrived.

Audrey chose.........a new train.

Norah?  A Repunzel dress.  It's the only thing she wanted.

I don't have a photo of her wearing it...because the day after it arrived she started having accidents again.  Wha!?!?!?  So frustrating.   I've been wondering if it's possible to potty train without experiencing any type of regression.  We went through it with Audrey.  Now we're going through it with Norah.  I waited WAY longer to potty train Norah, because I chalked Audrey's trouble up to being so young.  Norah was clearly ready, and fully trained within a week.  During the day, at naps, and all night long, without looking back.  Now suddenly it's like she can't figure out that she needs to go before at least a little starts coming out.  She's still doing fine at night and naps, I think she just gets so busy doing whatever it is she's doing during the day that she gets distracted.  So...the princess dresses are confiscated until she is "drip-free." ;)  I'll post a picture when I can, because she looks quite adorable in that long lavender dress!

There you have it.  It took me all weekend to get this "Friday" 5 up.  Such is the season of life, friends!  Hope your week is off to a great start!